Monday, 20 August 2012

An East London Drink Problem

The party in Walthamstow was barely over following its local Spar shop being nominated for the International Convenience Retailer of the Year Award, when misery was once again restored due to the announcement that an evil new off licence will be rearing its ugly head in the area. Whereas Walthamstow Village’s almost international award winning Spar sells delicious delicacies, such as freshly made pizza made by the in-house pizza chef, delightful pastries and pork based preserves, this new Walthamstow business will be flogging gin to its patrons. The purveyor of the devil’s urine, shamelessly entitled ‘Mother’s Ruin East London Gin Palace’, will be based in the somnolent, tea cosy of the community, Wood Street Indoor Market, which sometimes sees dozens of visitors pass through daily. 

Wood Street Indoor Market teems with life on a busy Saturday afternoon

Other stall holders are understandably displeased with the news that they will be sharing their market with such a godless enterprise. Well, one of them is, and rightly so. Catherine West, executive director of Significant Seams, a haberdashery and social enterprise group, is well vexed, as her stall is located opposite the site of the gin soaked emporium of sin.

“The licence for Mother's Ruin would flaunt celebration of alcoholism, destitution and historic poverty while selling alcohol,” she furied before stating that the new shop is a deliberate attempt to “exploit a vulnerable neighbourhood”. And it certainly seems that she has a point about the proposed venture’s celebration of alcoholism and destitution when you see the online menu. Yes, I imagine the impoverished alcoholics of Wood Street will be rushing past the large number of off licences in the area selling discount grog to grab a bottle of gooseberry and elderflower vodka or damson gin at £12.50 per 250ml. Imagine the carnage as, slightly tipsy on Seville orange rum, a hoard of ravenous street people go on a rampage searching for stuffed quail in grape jus to satisfy their post booze munchies. 

A local smelly tramp sources ingredients to accompany his pork tenderloin with dauphinoise potatoes in Wood Street earlier today

West went on to outline her concerns with regards to the exact positioning of Mother’s Ruin. “This would literally be on our doorstep as we support vulnerable people in facing difficult life circumstances - which often include destitution, addiction and abuse,” she raged before actually coming to the point: “Additionally our business's commercial interests will be significantly undermined.” I see.

Despite her obvious propensity to expel unfounded self-interested bollocks in the direction of local newspapers, West may have a point. If you agree don’t miss the opportunity to rant in the local media or hand a petition containing 148 names to someone at the council who doesn’t get paid enough to care. I shall certainly be doing this first thing tomorrow, straight after I’ve expressed my indignation about this outrageous outrage taking place just down the road from Wood Street. 

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